Go Off the Paranoia-Soaked Deep Finish and Lose Your Thoughts

Look, the reality is that this—you are able to do all these things and nonetheless have your privateness and knowledge utterly wrecked. Hackers can nonetheless get in. No matter Western authorities you’re dwelling underneath can most likely nonetheless goal you with eye-of-Sauron-level surveillance. The social media firm holding your knowledge can misconfigure its databases and depart your e mail deal with and telephone quantity uncovered. In actuality, it’s a wash.

Nevertheless, in the event you actually wish to be completely protected and ensure your private info is protected, I’ve considered it and there are a few extra steps you possibly can take. Right here they’re:

— Drink closely and ruminate on the insanity of the trendy world.

— After a nightcap or three, go to the closest window and throw your silly laptop out of it whereas screaming “I’M MAD AS HELL” like Peter Finch in Community.

— Escalate issues and homicide your telephone. Desolder the fucker, smash it to items with a ball-peen hammer—then burn the components in a ritualistic conflagration within the yard. Later, siphon the telephone’s ashes into just a little glass vial and dangle it round your neck to remind you of your overcome evil.

— Cancel your lease, promote your earthly possessions and simply drive. The place? It doesn’t matter. You simply should get out of there.

— Reside in a tent in an unincorporated territory and browse books and river bathe. Study to benefit from the easy issues—just like the sound of crickets at night time, the majestic sight of a buck because it traipses throughout the prairie, and your personal physique odor.

— Pray that sometime, in some as but unseen American future, your congressional leaders will develop actual, precise testicles and introduce legal guidelines to control the dystopian company monsters which have swallowed the world and eradicated human privateness.

— Weep for humanity.